Unique Self & Sexuality

In this overview of the seven levels of sexing, we invite you to examine the deeper and most profound forms of human sexuality. At the highest level, Unique Self sexing rejoices in the uniqueness of the sexual partner not as a separate self but as a unique expression of essence.

Q & A

The following is a transcript of an excerpt from a dialogue between Joe Perez and Marc Gafni in July 2012.

Joe: I’m here with Marc Gafni and this is a Unique Self dialogue, 10 minutes on sexuality from a Unique Self perspective.

Marc: It’s delightful to talk about Unique Self and sexuality, my two favorite subjects, so to get to talk to them together is awesome. Here’s the basic weigh-in: Sexuality is actually a huge project. One of our think tank projects is a new book called The Seven Levels of Sexing. [We are] using sexing as a verb.

You can have separate selves sexing, two separate selves meet, and their consciousness is of being separate selves.

They seek comfort. Life’s hard, nasty, short, and brutish. Sexuality, Boston Cream Pie, gossip makes it easier to deal with.

There’s another kind of sexing that emerges from the vital sexual drive that moves through it, kind of that modern man’s Nine Inch Nails song [which goes], “I want to fuck you like an animal.” It’s the evolutionary thrust, the force of evolution moving through us. It’s blind.

There’s another kind of sexing. It’s about accessing pleasure. Pleasure sexing.

There’s another kind of sexing which is a high-level comfort sexing. It’s not a kind of personality sexing where it’s about two personalities meeting to cover up the nasty, brutish short nature of life. It’s more beautiful. It’s the kind described in Sinead O’Connor’s song, “This is to Mother You.” She and Kris Kristofferson engaged in mother sexing or healing sexing. We are gathered up and healed in the way that mother did. In the phenomenology of sexing, those are forms of sexing.

But actually the primary forms in which sexuality reaches its apex is beyond those four forms:

True Self sexing, or True Self tantra, in which sex is a methodology meant to access the True Self – that is, the knowledge that my self is the True Self, the number of True Selves is One, and I am located in that eternal ground of Being as a first person realization, not just as a dogma. The fifth form. All of that can come together and be a dimension of an even more evolved form of sexing which is Unique Self sexing. That’s where I want to spend a couple of minutes.

It’s different phenomenologically from all the previous forms. Phenemonologically, for those of you listening, it’s just a fancy word. It means “in your first person perspective.” It’s about two Unique Selves meeting. It’s not a kind of gay bathhouse image. Or a kind of heterosexual casual sexual encounter. It’s about two Unique Selves who are looking in each other’s eyes: man/man, man/woman, woman/woman, whatever that combination is, that form of masculine and feminine that is meeting, that are committed to each other’s uniqueness, and rejoicing in each other’s uniqueness, committed to the full powerful depth, glory, gorgeousness, of this unique expression of essence that feels somewhat lonely and is liberated from loneliness through the glory of the flesh from two unique body/selves…

That’s Unique Self sexing. That’s in a Western esoteric tantric tradition: the way of liberation from loneliness. I’m liberated from loneliness in when two bodies meet in full and utter recognition of their infinite, granular uniqueness.

That’s a wow. It’s [one of the] great – wow – great, ecstatic, profound, poignant, depth, holy encounters of the human lifetime.

Joe: How are love and sex are connected in the Unique Self model of sexing?

Marc: Love in the Unique Self phenomenology is not merely emotional. It has an emotional component. Love in its source is a perception. To be a lover is to have eyes to see. It’s a Unique Self perception. So let me make this real in the first and second person A first person statement: I love Joe Perez. It’s also a second person statement: I see him, I perceive hi,. I see his Unique essence. Three: that love that Marc has for Joe Perez grows. Every week and every month that I know Joe Perez better, I perceive more and more of his unique depth, so I love him more.

In Unique Self sexing, sexing is a way of talking, it’s a way of sacred encounter of the deepest kind. By definition, it’s loving. It’s love as a Unique Self perception that takes place in a unique encounter. Love and sexing are completely related and deeply intertwined.

Joe: Thinking of the ideas of sexing in the  world’s various religious traditions – the Hindu Kama Sutra and so forth. When in the history of the world did Unique Self sexing arise?

Marc: First, the Kama Sutra has different strands in it, so I don’t want to make any sort of broad statements, but in general the tantric sexing in the Eastern traditions, originally Hindu and later Buddhist tantra, are forms of True Self or No Self sexing that through the merging there is a kind of realization of the identity with True Self. When one comes to the moment of explosion in sexing, it’s not by accident that a person says, “Oh God.” On the True Self level, it is an experience of Incarnating divinity, incarnating source.

At the Unique Self realization, when you’re saying “Oh God,” it’s a deeper realization. “Oh God” is the Name of God, and the Name of God and the Name of Other are One. “Oh God and “Oh Jack” are the same thing. Or “Oh Martin” and “Oh Cynthia” are one and the same thing. When does this come online? It comes online most profoundly, paradoxically, in the Biblical mystical tradition, in the Genesis story –  Genesis 2:18: “It’s not good for the human being to be lonely.”

How do you move beyond loneliness? There is a seven-verse koan that unfolds then which climaxes, “And he cleaves to his partner and they were one flesh.” There’s a particular form of sexing described there, which in my book I talk about at great depth. The love perception is expressed in and fully realized in sexual union. That’s Unique Self sexing. We begin to understand how our understanding of Unique Self eventually transforms our relationship to the entire world of sexuality.

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